one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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