come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
