Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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