I'd wear matching sweaters with you
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
