If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
