a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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