The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
