we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
