My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
