This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
