worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
