who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
