Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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