My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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