dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
