did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
