You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
