ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
