Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
