I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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