i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
