Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
