pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
