i already hear my dad disowning me
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
