great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
