They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
