what if every blade of grass was a penis?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
