i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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