I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
