Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
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