I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
