I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
