I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
