none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
