the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
