Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
