I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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