I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
