last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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