dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
