More tranny stories later!
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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