I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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