He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
