We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
