We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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