Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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