i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
now i know why i became what i already was.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
