Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
