don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
