I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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