Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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