your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
