just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
