but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
false alarm, still single
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
