listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
