you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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