Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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