I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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