I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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