So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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