I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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