Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hippo gnu deer
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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