Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
