He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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