SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
